If I Wear Lingerie But Nobody Sees it, Does it Count?

This is the erotic version of the philosophical question: If a tree falls in the forest but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If you wear lingerie but there's no one there to enjoy it, is your effort wasted?

Without having taken a scientific poll, it isn't hard to believe that a majority of women feel the only reason to wear something as sexually charged as lingerie is for the pleasure of their partner.

Whether they've been with that partner for years or plan to meet him or her for the first time later tonight, is not the point. The question is why is it for so many the de facto assumption? Why is it automatically assumed that lingerie must be worn for someone else's benefit?

Perhaps some women who are single feel that it's a no-brainer. Looking beautiful is wonderful but the purpose of it is not for yourself, it's the natural way to attract a mate.

If wearing lingerie is a way to flaunt that beauty to impress someone you're attracted to, then there isn't anything wrong with using it to do just that. No one can really argue with that point but the issue remains, is that the only meaningful way to use lingerie?

There are many women that have had negative lingerie experiences in the past that brought up body image issues and choose not to wear it even for these reasons. Maybe they didn't get acknowledged for wearing it or didn't get the positive reaction they hoped for.

Whatever the specifics, their attempt at experimenting with lingerie may have left a bad taste in their mouth. They might feel that they're in no rush to revisit a similar disappointing experience. These women may prefer not to bother with the extra effort to adorn lingerie at all.

Their idea of getting intimate might mean going from dressed up right to naked in bed. To them, the thought of lingerie is an unnecessary extra step that isn't worth the risk of not getting the desired reaction they hoped for.

Another theory as to why most women believe that lingerie is only to be used to attract a mate, is that they've never been introduced to another way of viewing the power of lingerie.

The concept of women wearing it for themselves is not exactly born out of a deep rooted way of thinking. Woman, for the most part, have only been given freedom to be self sufficient and choose how they want to be in the western world in the last century.

So, who put the idea in our heads that lingerie is only for someone else to enjoy? Could it be that we see that same old repressive media message everyday in magazines and other marketing that focuses on that idea?

No one can underestimate the power and influence the media has had on our collective ideals and values. What about our upbringing?

Did we have a mother and/or sisters that reinforced the negative messages the medias been sending us about our beauty and who they want us to believe we are?

Could our peers have helped to impress this message on us growing up; to look good first and foremost and not necessarily for you feel good above all.

The news flash that many woman today need to hear is that the new paradigm for women taking control of their lives must be extended to form a new idea of what lingerie is and what it can be. Women need to understand that we are not only in control of our bodies but we control our self-esteem and the self-love we choose to give ourselves or not.

We are free to use any tool at our disposal to support how we feel about ourselves. It doesn't take an expert to tell us that lingerie should be considered one of the most powerful tools to be used in any manor that we see fit, so long as it serves us.

Lingerie was designed to accentuate our womanly assets in an erotic yet tasteful way and nothing that I know of does a better job of doing just that. It helps us feel good about having been born a woman.

It can help us get in touch with our feminine essence in a healthy way and that alone is of prime importance to our well-being. If for no other reason, we can choose to wear lingerie to nurture us as women.

The amazing thing about this shift in our thinking is that not only are we allowing ourselves to feel empowered but it seems that mother nature is likely to get her way regardless. After all when we celebrate ourselves, we become more attractive.

Being attractive comes with the attention it so deserves. That's the deal and what a blissful deal it can be, as long as it's stays manageable.

The good news is today we have the freedom and for that reason alone, it's arguably the most exciting time in history to be a woman. The supportive community of like-minded women are out there, we just need to seek them out.

Why not lead the way for others by standing for this new paradigm to open our possibilities up; to reclaim lingerie for ourselves; to make-over outdated ideas that limit us into empowering ideals that liberate us.

In fact it becomes easier to be who we really are when we focus on ourselves. We become more confident and as a result, we radiate even more sex appeal. As strange as it sounds, we know this to be true: our attractiveness to others seems to work best when when we don't even try.

By : Margaret_Shrum